happiness is finding the place where being yourself is exactly what's needed

Saturday, February 26, 2011

what if zombie monkeys fall from the sky?

i used to be a chronic worrier. 18 year old me thought i was going to get fired every day i went in to work. 16 year old me was certain i'd die before 30 of a brain aneurysm (shit, i shouldn't talk, i'm not 30 yet). 22 year old me worried that i'd corrupt my own brain by worrying so much.

my brain creates what-if scenarios for ever situation. the bus is 1 minute late. what if it never comes? it's raining. what if i'm a witch and i melt? the coffee pot is on. what if i catch the house on fire? etc. etc. you get the gist.

in 2007, while my Intrepid was in the repair shop for some such reason or another (ironic car type for me, no?) i happened upon a magazine article about a woman who called herself a chronic worrier. it was the first time i'd ever heard anyone say that. the examples she gave reminded me of me.

omfgotherpeoplethinklikethistoo moments are priceless, aren't they?

i don't remember if the solution was in the article itself or if it's something i realized later by piecing together this line of thought with the actions and thoughts of the sane and rational people person i know. (DandelionGirl is the sane and rational person i know. some people are sane. others are rational. not many are both.)

but the solution, of course, is to answer your own what-if questions. this was only not obvious to me from the beginning because people'll tend to tell you to hide/ignore your irrational thoughts/questions, instead of what to do about them.

what if my clothes get soaked on the way to work? my co-workers will tell me that for the love of all things holy i should get a damn umbrella. what if i get fired for showing up to work drenched? i'll get a new job. what if i get kicked out of where i'm living? i'll find random places to sleep until i figure out a place to be. what if everyone i know really hates me? i'm sure they'll tell me eventually. what if they tell me eventually? i'll move to another state and make new friends. what if a dingo eats my baby? i'll make a new one. etc. etc.

the point is, there's an answer to every possible thing that could worry me, and the answer 999 times out of 1000 is that i probably wouldn't die/destroy the world.

so, yeah, i might be little neurotic. the plus side is that i know of pretty much every way i might react to pretty much every situation because i've already thought about it, probably numerous times. except for the zombie apocalypse. shit. i gotta work on that.

i've always had a tendency to plot out all possible scenarios for myself. but i didn't really think about what i was doing, didn't really realize it was okay to have those strange paranoid worries, until i read the article.

(one thing that i've only begun teaching myself very very recently, is that even things about me that i haven't heard anyone else say yet are probably also okay.)

anyway, this post was brought to you by me seeing a spider in the shower this morning:
what if it's one of those ones that jumps? then it'll probably jump on me.
what if it's also poisonous, like a brown recluse? then i'll go the hospital and figure out a way to pay for it later. it's not worth losing a limb over.
i'm not paying for an ambulance, so how will i get to the hospital? you made a new friend last night that lives just down the road and has a car. i'm pretty sure asking for a ride to the hospital is one of those things people'd be okay with you doing.

thanks for reading. i realize my posts often kinda long. and if you have any tips for surviving the zombie apocalypse, please let me know.


  1. OMG! I'm peeing myself right now. That was so funny and real and honest. You answers to yourself just cracked me up. As a recovering chronic worrier myself ("recovering"? Who am I kidding?), this post totally made my day! - G

  2. *stalk*

    Brown recluses are not here in the western states!

  3. Your posts so remind me of myself...lol! But I do have a little advice of sorts. A therapist I had a while back told me that my biggest problem was "living in the future". He suggested I stop trying to do that and instead just live in the present. I would make things much simpler for myself and maybe even enjoy a moment or two. I still forget that, of course. But your post reminded me of how often I do project events into the future.

    LOVED the spider scenario...I hate spiders and immediately see the same thing happening too!! ;)

  4. warrior,
    how can i go without giving a comment
    like story

  5. Wow! that sounds so much like one of my daughters! So many times I've said to her "why do you do this to yourself?"
    To which she usually says something like, "I can't relax, I've too much stuff to think about." To people like you and her, the activity in my brain, probably wouldn't even register on a brain wave test...

  6. live in the present is the best advice i have read in many moons!

    good post btw.