the dream i had this morning:
i was walking along a path. i found what was left of my cat, about half a cat, still alive. i suspected it was "the thing" that did it. (there was apparently some creature that had been going around killing other animals.) my other cat was still walking around outside and i figured i should bring her inside to keep the same thing from happening to her, though i felt guilty about restricting her freedoms. for the moment, i avoided that decision and stayed outside with my dying cat.
she seemed to be in a state of shock. she didn't seem to be in pain or to even realize she was dying. she purred when i pet her. she licked the open air over places where parts of her body would've been had she been whole.
i remembered someone telling me once that when they found their cat dying, they held the cat and nuzzled its forehead with their nose, which kept it calm until it could pass, so that's what i did for a while.
as i held her, she started to appear whole to me, and i wondered if maybe she was going to be okay after all or if i was losing my mind.
after a time, i laid her back down in the grass, and lied down next to her. she continued to appear whole to both me and herself, and she rolled away playfully and batted at my arm just like a living cat would do.
still, i knew she was dying, and i feared she would realize this and start experiencing fear and pain. i picked her up again and started telling her it might be time to move on to the next life. i prayed for a peaceful transition for her.
she turned into a human in my arms and turned suddenly away from me, looking at an invisible presence to my left and calling, "Chris! Chris is that you?"
i realized this "Chris" was probably someone she'd known who'd died, come to guide her spirit on its path. she flailed her arms and legs but didn't seem able to rise from my hold.
"yes, Chris," i said, "please help her. i don't know what else to do." i turned my head respectfully away.
then i woke up. first thought upon waking up this morning: i'm glad my cats are already dead, so nothing like that can ever happen.
happiness is finding the place where being yourself is exactly what's needed
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